Experiments
by Princess Coeurl
Summary: 589 Why have 99 of the same item in your inventory when you could use it for something fun?


Zidane found Bartz riffling through their inventory, weapons, feathers, and potions strewn haphazardly around the clearing where they'd set up camp. Bartz turned as Zidane left the trees and the thief noted that the mime had eden scales sticking out of his hair at odd angles.

"What 'cha doing?" Zidane asked. He plopped himself down beside his fellow Cosmos warrior, tail swishing idly as he inspecting the pile the mime rooted through.

"I know it's here somewhere," Bartz muttered, as much to himself as Zidane. Suddenly he straighten, pulling a dusty bag from the bottom of the pile and holding it up triumphantly. "HERE we go!"

Zidane peered at the bag in Bartz's hand. "Transmogridust?"

"Yes!" Bartz exclaimed. "It turns our items into better items, right? Well, I was thinking, what would happen if we used it on a person instead?"

Their eyes met, and all at once they were wearing matching evil grins.

Zidane's smile was so wide it threatened to split his face. "Who knows? It might even give him a personality."

"It'd be entirely for his own benefit, of course."

"My thoughts exactly."

Squall sat by the stream cleaning his gunblade. Technically he hadn't needed to come here to do this, but if he'd spent another moment with Bartz his already-strained sanity most likely would have snapped. He had enough problems without having to explain to Cosmos just why he had found it necessary to horribly maul one of his comrades, though he had plenty of grievances ready, should he ever need to.

He didn't hear them approach. One moment he was sitting quietly, then there was dust in his eyes and a flash, and then he was glaring up at two awed and unusually large faces.

"That was awesome!" Bartz yelled, far too loudly for Squall's taste.

He tried to reply, but all that came out was a oink.

At this Zidane burst out laughing, though after a few moments the laughter died and he was left looking nervous.

"So, um, do you know how to turn him back?"

"Just use more transmogridust, right?"

"Worth a try."

"Terraaaaaaa!"

Terra turned, brush pausing over the Onion Knight's hair. He too looked to see Bartz and Zidane running towards them, carrying the dustiest, most livid frog he'd ever seen. If he hadn't known better he would have said that was steam coming from its ears.

The mime and the thief stopped before them, panting. The frog just glared.

"We need your help!" Zidane said between gasps for air. "We finally got him into a form we know the remedy for, so will you cure him?"

Terra frowned, confused. "What do you mean?"

"A maiden's kiss!" Bartz shook the frog at her. "We can't turn him back without you! Please do it!"

"Hell no!" cried Onion Knight, jumping up. He'd been perfectly content to let Bartz and Zidane sort out their own mess, but didn't like how Terra looked to be considering their proposal. "I'll do it."

"W-what?" the pranksters stuttered in unison. "You're not a gir... are you?"

Terra giggled. Onion Knight just glared, shared an aggrieved look with the frog, and shifted to his sage form.

"Esuna!"

The sparkles from the spell faded, leaving Squall in the place of the frog and empty air where Zidane and Bartz had been standing. Onion Knight scoffed and sat back down in front of Terra, who, after a smile at Squall, turned back to brushing his hair.

"Why'd we even bother trying to turn him back?" Zidane asked, watching from behind a rocky ledge as Squall surveyed his surroundings with a dark look on his face. "Now he wants to kill us, and even after we tried to get him a kiss from Terra!"

"I know! Some people just can't appreciate the things others do for their own good," Bartz commiserated.

"So, go out and get killed now or hide and die later?"

"I've got a better idea." Bartz pulled a dusty bag from his tunic and grinned.

"Is that...?"

"Yup."

Zidane's tail twitched, grin spreading across his face. "Bets on what he'll turn into this time?"

"Mysidian rabbit?"

"Moogle." Zidane smirked, taking a handful of dust from the bag. "Let's go."


End file.
